Difference between revisions of "Write Better English"

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Line 15: Line 15:
 
#* => We obtained
 
#* => We obtained
 
# thus giving an important contribution to the achievement of a fast and reliable reaction to the perception of the hole.
 
# thus giving an important contribution to the achievement of a fast and reliable reaction to the perception of the hole.
  +
#* to the... of a... to the... Where is this sentence going? Is it a song?
#* =>thus contributing to a fast and reliable reaction to the perception of the hole
+
#* =>thus helping to produce a fast and reliable reaction to the perception of the hole
   
   

Revision as of 13:51, 31 May 2006

Short sentences. One thread of thought per sentence. MOST IMPORTANT!!!!!
  1. We continue by presenting the results of several experiments in which controllers have been designed to allow the sbots to coordinate their actions and autonomously self-assembles so as to perform scenario related tasks.
    • Yikes!
    • => Below, we present the results of several experiments in which sbots carry out tasks related to the scenario. The tasks require the sbots to self-assemble and coordinate their actions. We designed controllers which allowed the sbots to carry out these tasks autonomously.
  2. In this paper we have presented the results of a project directed at evaluating two particular choices.
    • Is this sentence about what we have presented, or about what the project was? Too much information crammed into this sentence. Confusing for the reader.
    • => In this paper we have presented the results of the SWMB project. The SWMB project was fundamentally about evaluating two particular choices in robotic system design.
  3. In order to test the feasibility of the integration of swarm robotics principles for the implementation of self-assembling robots, we defined a set of qualitative and quantitative criteria through the description of the following scenario.
    • Yikes!
    • To structure our research, we came up with the following scenario. The scenario consists of a series of tasks to be performed by our robotic system. This provided us with criterea against which we could measure the performance of our system on an ongoing basis.


Verbiage - don't add words unless they add meaning!
  1. We managed to obtain
    • => We obtained
  2. thus giving an important contribution to the achievement of a fast and reliable reaction to the perception of the hole.
    • to the... of a... to the... Where is this sentence going? Is it a song?
    • =>thus helping to produce a fast and reliable reaction to the perception of the hole


Watch your subject
  1. Section 4 starts by introducing.
    • Section 4 doesn't introduce anything. We introduce.
    • => Section 4 starts with.
  2. Swarm Robotics investigates ...
    • => Researchers in Swarm robotics investigate
  3. This technique allows to increase the performance of...
    • Subject missing completely
    • => This technique allows us to increase the performance of...


Unreferenced pronouns
  1. It relies on the emergence of the desired global behaviour starting from the definition of the individual ones.
    • 'individual ones' - what is this 'ones' referring to? Unclear.
    • => The human designer only has to specify the desired global behaviour - the individual agent behaviours that will create this emergent global behaviour are then found by a process of trial and error.