Write Better English - Revision history

Rogrady at 06:37, 1 June 2006

2006-06-01T06:37:33Z

Rogrady at 12:51, 31 May 2006

2006-05-31T12:51:31Z

Rogrady at 12:48, 31 May 2006

2006-05-31T12:48:13Z

Rogrady at 12:44, 31 May 2006

2006-05-31T12:44:50Z

Rogrady at 12:40, 31 May 2006

2006-05-31T12:40:02Z

New page

;Short sentences. One thread of thought per sentence. MOST IMPORTANT!!!!!
# We continue by presenting the results of several experiments in which controllers have been designed to allow the sbots to coordinate their actions and autonomously self-assembles so as to perform scenario related tasks.
#* Yikes!
#* => We go on to present the results of several experiments in which sbots autonomously perform tasks related to this scenario. These tasks require the sbots to self-assemble and coordinate their actions.
# In this chapter we have presented the results of a project directed at evaluating two particular choices.
#* Is this sentence about what we have presented, or about what the project was? Too much information crammed into this sentence. Confusing for the reader.
#* => In this chapter we have presented the results of the SWMB project. The SWMB project was fundamentally about evaluating two particular choices in robotic system design.
# In order to test the feasibility of the integration of swarm robotics principles for the implementation of self-assembling robots, we defined a set of qualitative and quantitative criteria through the description of the following scenario.
#* Yikes!
#* To structure our research, we came up with the following scenario. The scenario consists of a series of tasks to be performed by our robotic system. This provided us with criterea against which we could measure the performance of our system on an ongoing basis.

;Verbiage - don't add words unless they add meaning!
# We managed to obtain
#* => We obtained
# thus giving an important contribution to the achievement of a fast and reliable reaction to the perception of the hole.
#* =>thus contributing to a fast and reliable reaction to the perception of the hole

;Watch your subject
# Section 4 starts by introducing.
#* Section 4 doesn't introduce anything. We introduce.
#* => Section 4 starts with.
# Swarm Robotics investigates ...
#* => Researchers in Swarm robotics investigate
# This technique allows to increase the performance of...
#* Subject missing completely
#* => This technique allows us to increase the performance of...

;Unreferenced pronouns
# It relies on the emergence of the desired global behaviour starting from the definition of the individual ones.
#* 'individual ones' - what is this 'ones' referring to?
#* => The human designer only has to specify the desired global behaviour - the individual agent behaviours that will create this emergent global behaviour are then found by a process of trial and error.

@@ Line 19: / Line 19: @@
-;Watch your subject
+;Watch your subjects and objects
 # Section 4 starts by introducing.
 #* Section 4 doesn't introduce anything.  We introduce.
@@ Line 26: / Line 26: @@
 #* => Researchers in Swarm robotics investigate
 # This technique allows to increase the performance of...
-#* Subject missing completely
+#* Object missing completely
 #* => This technique allows us to increase the performance of...

@@ Line 15: / Line 15: @@
 #* => We obtained
 # thus giving an important contribution to the achievement of a fast and reliable reaction to the perception of the hole.
-#* =>thus contributing to a fast and reliable reaction to the perception of the hole
+#* =>thus helping to produce a fast and reliable reaction to the perception of the hole

@@ Line 2: / Line 2: @@
 # We continue by presenting the results of several experiments in which controllers have been designed to allow the sbots to coordinate their actions and autonomously self-assembles so as to perform scenario related tasks.
 #* Yikes!
-#* => Below, we present the results of several experiments in which sbots carry out tasks related to the scenario. The tasks required the sbots to self-assemble and coordinate their actions. We designed controllers which allowed the sbots to carry out these tasks autonomously.
+#* => Below, we present the results of several experiments in which sbots carry out tasks related to the scenario. The tasks require the sbots to self-assemble and coordinate their actions. We designed controllers which allowed the sbots to carry out these tasks autonomously.
-# In this chapter we have presented the results of a project directed at evaluating two particular choices.
+# In this paper we have presented the results of a project directed at evaluating two particular choices.
 #* Is this sentence about what we have presented, or about what the project was?  Too much information crammed into this sentence. Confusing for the reader.
-#* => In this chapter we have presented the results of the SWMB project. The SWMB project was fundamentally about evaluating two particular choices in robotic system design.
+#* => In this paper we have presented the results of the SWMB project. The SWMB project was fundamentally about evaluating two particular choices in robotic system design.
 # In order to test the feasibility of the integration of swarm robotics principles for the implementation of self-assembling robots, we defined a set of qualitative and quantitative criteria through the description of the following scenario.
 #* Yikes!
@@ Line 31: / Line 31: @@
 ;Unreferenced pronouns
 # It relies on the emergence of the desired global behaviour starting from the definition of the individual ones.
-#* 'individual ones' - what is this 'ones' referring to?
+#* 'individual ones' - what is this 'ones' referring to?  Unclear.
 #* => The human designer only has to specify the desired global behaviour - the individual agent behaviours that will create this emergent global behaviour are then found by a process of trial and error.